Consequence of Acceptance

I am not here to blame one person for the sequence of events that took place in this child’s life but we as individuals could have helped her have a better outcome.

When we sort out to be accepted how do we go about doing so? Are we exercising our dominance by forcing someone to make us feel superior? When we want to be adored what do we do to deserve adoration? Do we think its our God-given right to be adored or do we feel we are supposed to work to deserve it? Do we think someone else has to adore us since our immediate family didn’t provide the acceptance and adoration we desperately seek.

Many of us are hurting and feeling like we deserve it all because we have been depleted of so much. But in gaining it all we have to remember we still have to earn it. We have to be conscious of what we are seeking to fill our voids. We have to question if our fillers involve another party and if so how do our actions impact the life of other.

Whether your void is filled with narcotics, money, power or sex, be conscious of those you impact to gain acceptance. You could be the domino effect that lands someone in prison for life or worse, the grave.

What do you guys think? Is it fair to say we all play a part in the lives of those we encounter everyday?

Dear Father

Dear Father,

 

You hurt me. You hurt me really bad. It is not the scars you put on my body that hurt but the holes you put in my heart.  You taught me well how to add and subtract, read and write but negated to teach me how to love. You made me skeptical of the world and its people. When I could not trust you, my own flesh,  trusting others became rocket science. Because of you I  developed a layered shield around my heart so I may never hurt again. What  I did not realize was I was also deflecting love.

Although I want to hate you, what hurts the most is that I do not hate you. I understand you were not taught these things. I understand you were  misinformed that material possessions defined you. I understand society told you your only way of providing was monetarily. I understand you were told succeeding in life means ruthlessly climbing the financial ladder.   I understand you were taught being a man means controlling everything in your life.

I understand you felt your job was to prepare me for the cold world; the same world that did not take the time to listen to you. I understand society robbed your hopefully spirits so you no longer knew how to instill hope in me.  I understand that all you truly desired was for someone to love and appreciate you for who are not what you have.  I also understand that you are afraid to show that because it is not socially acceptable. I understand you felt the need to teach me how to protect myself from the kind of internal pain you carry with you daily.

What you do not know is you caused the greatest pain in which I could not shield myself from. If only you knew all you had to do was be yourself. If only you knew success is self defined.  All you had to provide was your presence.  All you had to teach me was hope. All you had to control was your temper.  All I ever craved was your sincere friendship. All I ever wanted was to be able to confide in you.  I will always believe if you knew better, you would have done better. Then you could have taught me better.

I wish I was writing dear daddy.

 

Sincerely,

Your Child

Hey Young Man,

Hey young man,

Do you know you are a human being before you are a gender?

Hey young man,

Do you know your only duty on this earth is to be the best you?

Hey young man,

Do you know you have nothing to prove?

Hey young man,

Do you know your presence is enough?

Hey young man,

Do you know you are enough?

HEALING THE WOMAN THROUGH THE MAN

We are always focused on healing the woman from pain caused by the man. How about we go directly to the root and intervene way before the man was in a position to cause harm. There are many conferences/lectures/sermons/literatures focused on women building strength, dealing with grief and becoming emotionally resilient. While the few mediums geared at men (which are much fewer than those tailored to women) focus on becoming financially successful, learning how to deal with an absent father and learning how not to become one.  Ironically, lessons created for men can also be applied to women but those geared towards women are rarely tailored to men.  Women also have to achieve financial success, women grow up without fathers and/or mothers and they too need to know how to be present parents. Unconsciously men are taught to look outwardly while women are taught to look inwardly in times of conflict (internal and/or external conflict).

It takes a very spiritually divulged or actively nurtured man to not fall in the realm of depending on external validation.  For those in this realm, lying, cheating, stealing, and  misguided priorities all become tools of maintaining what gives them that external gratification. In this forever changing world, the one thing we all know but forget is the only thing guaranteed is CHANGE.  Everything changes, seasons change, trends change, people change, emotions change. So for a man relying on external validation, he is inevitably susceptible to failure and disappointment. Because the man was never taught to look inward he now lashes out at the external things he feels he is losing control of. We have learned over and over again how a man abuses a woman as a way of regaining control. We can help save women and men by intervening with the man in the early stages.  Let us tailor lessons of resilience and value to young men.

The Representation Project is an amazing organization on the forefront of gender equality. They created the video below to illustrate the early stages in which we as a society can make a difference.